new discoveries

one of my co-workers got lucky yesterday.

he lives on the upper floors of the same apartment that i currently resides.

it was around 10 at night, and when he looked outside his window, he noticed that the resident living in this other apartment located just across the road, forgot to curtain-up her windows.

all men were born with curious eyes.

then he could see the girl in her room came out from the showers, and only after she finishes to blow her hair and changed clothes that she realized that her window was open for my lucky co-worker’s visual enjoyment.

this is not the reason why i’m writing this.

i’m writing this because just now i was informed that the apartment that i mentioned above was actually a female dormitory for aoyama gakuin university students!

and i could see them hanging their camisoles and stockings from my window!

oh man, even the thought of this gives me mid-night boners.

LOL.

hahaha anyways, i was inspired to write about this after i read one mind-opening article by one of my ex-schoolmates. it’s about taking a step back to look at the world in a wider view point.

i should also sometimes take a step back, and appreciate my nearest surroundings first before searching for interesting things in far away places.

the majority of people reading this would think that this is nothing more than creepy perverseness, but i think it’s just harmless little sweetness of living in a city where apartments are located very close to each other.

i’m going to pay more attention towards my windows now.

The fear of babi flu

Finally the new swine flu has reached the Kanto region and the first case of infection came from two Japanese high school girls that just got back from New York.

The thing that kinda struck me with anxiety is the fact that both girls goes to a school in Hajioji using the same train that I use every morning to go to work.

Yikes!

I don’t know about other countries, but the fear in Japan is pretty real, you felt it everyday, especially from the electronic medias.

There are even shops that gave out alcohol-spiked tissues to the customers before they enter the shop, to sterilize their hands.

At work, we were urged to wash our hands and gargle properly upon returning from work.

I know this new swine influenza has the possibility of going pandemic and cause massive chaos if not treated properly, but I think the media is scaring us all too much.

They are over doing it.

The possibility of me getting caught with the influenza is lower than Malaysia getting smart and reliable politicians.

Anyways, please understand that these terrible and horrible disease came from above because all you humans have sinned far too much, so lets pray to the source to stop giving us such trouble.

halal sex is better than zina

[WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS VULGAR LANGUAGE AND SOME SERIOUSLY FUCKED-UP CONTENT ESPECIALLY ABOUT SEX; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED]

Today I’m going to talk about the dilemma faced by some malay muslim couples who is studying overseas while being supported by a sponsorship: they love each other and want to get married but their contract with their sponsors prohibited this. I know this is not a rare case, and it is surely one topic that is interesting to talk about.

I fully understand why these sponsors ruled such agreement on their contracts. They pay money to the students so that they could focus on studying. The sponsors are concerned that if they got married, their focus on studying would plummeted and all they would do is sex sex sex sex sex sexxx xxx xxx every minute of God’s given time; and according to what I read from [The Guide to Violent Children], sex could lead to babies and babies would lead to bigger responsibility that might suffocate the minds of a young couple who are still studying.

Kahwin untuk menjauhi maksiat.

A signed contract cannot be changed, but the problem is: What if the guy cannot bear being patient anymore? What if everytime he catches the sweet smell of her girlfriend’s beautiful skin under those hijab, a sudden rush of blood to his nuclear missile occurs? What if everytime they’re on a date, he can’t help but imagine himself kissing her collar bone and sucking her bubble-gum tongue? He constantly wonders whether she would be aroused by just being sniffed at for 5 minutes while she is naked sitting on his computer chair. What if he cannot control his mini-me anymore when he is with her, especially when she’s licking a lollipop in her right hand and a vanilla ice-cream cone on the other? Yes, my muslim friends, satan is a creative bastard.

My point is that these creative thinking sponsored by satan, although harmless, possesses a great deal of danger of the guy going out of control and finally blowing his load, in and all around her kitty cage. Zina. Adultery.

Of course you could advice the guy to pray more seriously, be more pious and even leave her girlfriend all together; but what if it’s beyond prevention? Clearly it is better for them to get married, and have (protected) sex as much as they wanted. Halal sex is always better than zina. I am totally against the cock-blocking movement.

So finally they decided to get married secretly so that the sponsor doesn’t know. Breaking a contract is a big risk, but getting permission from their parents is another problem.

Most parents would surely be against these marriages; they want their daughters to finish their studies first before allowing one young men to break their precious princess’s hymen layer. This is very understandable. They don’t want their daughter to ❤❤❤❤ and ❥❥❥❥ and ♡♡♡♡ everynight and ended up with several kids, thus making it hard for her to focus on her studies. Pretty acceptable reason right?

So how do you reason with such parents?

It’s easy. Tell them that you promise to wear condoms, 2 condoms at the same time everytime you want to nail their daughter. Problems solved! Yay! If the parent is still stubborn, give them a telephone call and say this:

IF YOU’RE AGAINTS THIS MARRIAGE, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED ANYWAYS BUT BECAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A STUBBORN ASSHOLE, I’M GOING TO FUCK YOUR DAUGTER IN HER ASSHOLE AND SEND YOU THE PICTURES! HOW ABOUT THAT?

Of course, you should only use that line during extreme conditions, when all form of negotiation does not work; as the last bullet in the revolver. And I don’t think I should remind you that anal sex is prohibited in islam. You don’t really mean it when you say you’re going to anally rape her daughter, it’s just a fake threat, get it?

This was supposed to be a great threat. There is no father in this would that want to look at a picture of some young, hairy dude having anal sex with his precious princess.

On a second thought, just forget about that line. It will never work. You marry to make family members, not enemies.

Oh man, this is such a fucked up entry. I’m really sorry for the language. I really should be focusing on finding a job right now. Forget what I said. I promise to be more sensitive.

p/s:cock blocker: A person (male or female) who intentionally or unintentionally disrupts (block) a guy from getting some punani.

snowboarding is pain

I woke up this morning feeling excruciating pain all over my body. Each time I made a simple movement, it hurts. Every time I tried to lift up my arms, it hurts. A small lump of pain appeared of the left side of my throat and my shoulders are stiff as a board.

But I’m not going to talk about today. I’m going to talk about what I did yesterday.

Yesterday, I went snowboarding with pojik and zarul. The last time I snowboard is one year ago, so I have to be mentally prepared to fall a lot because I know I’m not going to remember what I have learnt before about snowboarding during my previous attempts at it. And fall, I did. A lot. And I guess although my mental side is ready, the physical side of me is not.

I snowboard like only 2-3 times a year so there is no way that I’m going to be good at it.

I sucked! Of course the main reason of this is because I don’t snowboard that much to obtain the required skills to be called ‘good at it’, but until now, I didn’t realize that I was THIS bad. If my memories were clear as the blue sky at the Juenese Ski Park yesterday, I thought I didn’t suck. Far from good of course, but definitely not on the level of suck; that was my previous assumption about my own snowboarding skills. Oh how wrong I was.

Getting your body slammed several times to the ground at high speed is painful enough, but nothing can be compared to when getting your dick squeezed between you body and a slump of hard snow, at high speed with full momentum from the fall.

I was so unfortunate yesterday. I was speeding on a steep slope. Feeling the cold breeze at this speed is fun and awesome! Then after realizing that if I don’t slow down, I’m going to lose control and hit a deer or something, I tried to do a cool, fast break; like the pros do it on tv. I forgot. I still suck at the sport. Lost balance and I got my body slammed to the ground very hard. And by some divine magic, during those crucial milliseconds of my mishap, I have succeeded to get my dick placed right on top of a slump of hard snow; and I let the momentum and speed of my body to slam my poor wang. Or shlong. Or weiner. Or pecker. Or knob. Or rod. Or shaft. Or phallus. Let’s just called it a male genitalia ok?

I must say. It was fucking painful. Damn!

I want to put my hand into my pants to make sure that everything is attached but I can’t really move because it was painful. So I just sit there, rubbing my little brother from the outside of my pants. I looked up and there comes a girl skiing down, staring at a foreigner who was rubbing his crotch like crazy. No matter how much you stare, you won’t understand the pain o little girl!

Then a sudden fear comes into play. What if it was squashed during impact? What if it was bleeding? I don’t want to have to say to my future wife this: before I ask to marry you, I have a secret to tell –> my dick is squashed and looks like a flatten banana balloon because I slammed it onto a slump of hard snow.

So I have to check whether the smaller (not the best word to describe it) part of me is functional and 100% OK. During these times of emergency, I wish I had a catalogue of women’s lingerie with pretty models in it to help me. Unfortunately, I don’t have those so I have to use my imagination. I used my extraordinary imagination to visualize all sorts of things that could turn that little guy into HULK, but all was in vain.

I was really freaking out; and then I remembered the time when I was just 8 years old at school. We had an English class in the library and the teacher (a pretty chinese-kelantanese young lady) told us to draw some pictures of animals. After giving her orders, we started our assignments on the floor while the teacher returns to the observing desk. I was sitting right in front of the teacher’s desk and to my horror, or joy, the pretty teacher sits on her chair with her legs opened, not knowing that the whole class could see her crotch clearly. To top it off, she’s not wearing anything underneath those silky white skirts so I could see clearly her unshaven secondary women lips(it’s not a short skirt really, just on the knee line). I called my friend and ask him what the hell am I looking at, but he just told me to shut up so I continued to draw, while being very confused. At that time, I thought she had a horrible accident during circumcision, and I was pretty shaken by that thought. Damn, I should have looked a little bit longer because it would take years and years more before I get to see that again at this close range. Shaven.

After that brief moment of my fabulous history being brought back into my world of imagination, at last I got confirmation that the little guy is beginning to get angry and could turn into a full, bigger and harder than a rock HULK the green beast. I was so relieved. So after knowing that my banana and his two coconuts are okay, I continue snowboarding until its 3 p.m.

Before leaving, I had a shrimp burger and the sweet thing about this is that when I bought the coupons, I put 500 yen into the machine and it gave me back 710 yen! I’m so lucky. Then we brave the cold waters to take wudhu and performed solat in the changing room.

On the way back home, the three of us made some pretty weird conversations and had vowed to not speak the contents of the conversations to anyone else, so it was kinda cool. Then we hit the local sushi restaurant, and I ate like 5 plates only because I was just too tired to eat more.

Got back home, and went to sleep. Then I wake up this morning feeling like a train wreck. Then I did the laundry and watched appleseed ex machine; which is awesome. Then, because I have nothing else to do, I thought it would be fun to write about what I did yesterday, so here I am finishing my thoughts about that. Until next time….

*p/s: by reading today’s post, now you know that my childhood experience kinda affected my current state of mind a little bit. Might be funny, but not a pretty thang!

first ski experience! スキー初体験！

It’s almost 5 years since I first set foot on Japanese soil, and before last week, I’ve never skied before! So last week, about 10 days ago, I joined the university’s ski tour to ski for the first time in my life! I’ve snowboarded before (like 2-4 times a year) but never tried ski so was very excited and looking forward to this trip.

The trip was targeted to foreign student who had no ski experience whatsoever so it was the perfect trip for me.

It was a two hours trip from the university to the tazawako ski sports facility, the place where we’re going to stay and consume food. Talking about food… let’s just say that it was not the best they could offer.

After taking our first meal, I went to the powder room. To take a shit. And then I was surprised with the toilets they have in the facility. Of course it had the normal warmed seat, jet-water and all; the weirdest thing about the toilet, as seen on the picture above is that it has a button in which if you push it, the toilet seat would make an artificial flushing sound. At first I really don’t understand why the genius Japanese toilet makers would create such functions. Then I used my knowledge of Japanese culture and ways of thinking to solve this mystery.

Let me explain it to you in detail here. See, the Japanese are very polite and don’t want to cause you any unpleasant feelings. Remember this mentality. Then I would like you to imagine yourself shitting a huge pile of shit one day, and the toilet cubicle at both sides are also occupied with people who probably would shit a huge pile of shit too. If you would shit a huge, long, hard human faeces and drop it into the toilet, it would surely make a loud splash sound, a ‘plup’ sound, whatever. This distinct sound is quite embarrassing; so if you are a true Japanese, you would flush the water in just milliseconds before the huge, long, hard shit starts coming out of the hole of you arse and touching the water below. Are you following me? The sound of the flushing water would sort of ‘cover’ the sound of your huge, long, hard shit dropping into the toilet hole. People were doing it since the introduction of western toilets, I guess.

But with the rise of awareness to save water to help with the global warming, this practice seemed very unreasonable because you are wasting water. If you used this method, you would have to flush two times! Oh what a waste! So the brilliant guys at the toilet companies made a remarkable invention: put a button that actives the sound of flushing water! Now, no matter how big, how long and how hard you shit is, you will never have to waste water to cover the sound of your humongous shit dropping into the water. If you felt like the tip of your long, hard shit is just about to come out of your arsehole, just push the button and you are safe from the embarrassment of the sound of your own shit. Man, this kind of invention made me love the Japanese more!

I think even if you’re shitting messy; I mean like diarrhoea-kind of messiness, you could also use the button to cover the sound of shit spraying out of your butt.

Enough about the toilet already! After having some quality time at the powder room, we were told to strap on our ski gear because we’re taking our first ski lesson! Then we were separated into groups; with my groups consisting of 2 malaysians and 3 koreans. The 5 of us had not skied before so everyone looked like a idiot trying to balance themselves for the first time while slowly trying to learn how to break and turn. It was a great lesson and I think I’ve picked it up quite fast, unlike when I first learned how to snowboard. Now I know, snowboarding is a lot harder than skiing.

Skied for 3 hours and that’s enough for the day. I was quite tired after the lesson so I ate like a the fat kid on tv. Then later into the night, they had arranged a little ‘japanese winter’ event for us. First, we were tasked to draw/spray images onto these blocks of flatten snow. We were tasked to draw an image with the theme: Japanese Spring. it took us like 30 minutes and honestly, it was one of the ugliest drawings on a flattened snow that I have ever seen in my entire life. I think our group is kinda retarded. Then I looked at the drawings of the other teams. Thank GOD, they’re far worse.

Then we were tasked to dig holes on walls of pressured snow; holes big enough to fit a candle. Then we put candles into those holes and light it up. The end result is quite amazing, considering how retarded we are. Everyone said it was pretty. I was saying lets get inside I’m freezing my arse out here. Before going to bed, I went into the ofuro (hot spring) to get myself hot and went to sleep like a big baby. Ok, a gorilla baby.

The next morning, I went to the ofuro again; it was awesome! I really like hot springs, it makes your body warm and relaxed. The only negative thing about it is that you have to be fully naked to be able to go inside. I am quite shy when it comes to showing my own dick to strangers, so I always cover my little brother with a small towel, baring my arse for all to see of course.
You see, being a foreigner and also shy to show your penis to the public, it was quite hard. You want to know why? Well, it’s because the Japanese were also very curious people. They want to know. How big/small is the dick of a foreigner? I once went into a traditional hot spring in Nagano with a Nigerian friend, and everyone in the place was looking at the African guy. The Nigerian is not like me; he is not afraid to show his penis to the public. And I think I know why. If an innocent Japanese school girl accidentally saw his penis, she would run away because she might think that she had seen an amazon anaconda. You got the picture. If that guy chooses to work in the Japanese adult entertainment industry as a porn star, I’m sure he’s going to the very top. Yeah.

Enough with huge dicks and ofuro; the next morning, we went out again for the second time. This time, it’s not training anymore; we’re going to get on the lift so that we could start skiing from the top of the mountain. Although I’ve done this many times before, having ski gear at your feet instead of a snowboard does made the experience fresh. There was a slight rush of fear while I was going up the hills because the cable lift were constantly shaking up and down, left to right. I looked down and thought: man if I fall down, I might as well zip down and show my freezing penis to the whole world because I won’t survive the fall.

The moment of truth has cometh upon me. Everyone was on the top of the hill and was waiting to go down. This is the time to use those braking and turning techniques that we learned and practiced yesterday! One by one, the foreign student goes down. A lot of them fell down; one hit a tree and only a few stays standing on their feet. I was glad my training paid off!

The sense of speed rushing onto my face boils me excited, so I went up again to do it all over again. It was fun. After a couple of hours of skiing, the ski instructors told us to go down for the last time because we don’t have anymore time.

Then the inevitable group photo time comes. We took lots of photos, congratulate each other for a small achievement and went back to our staying place for the last lunch and to prepare to go home.

All in all, it was a great weekend. This is what I call a weekend well spent! I never thought that skiing was this fun! But I have to be honest, snowboarding is way cooler, so I ain’t skiing anymore yahoo !!! I want to snowboard !!!