soalan dari orang jepun pasal malaysia

tak ramai orang jepun yang tahu pasal malaysia.

tapi yang masih bagus nya ialah mereka ni ada sifat suka bertanya.

aku pula tidak penah jemu untuk menjawab soalan2 mereka, sedaya pengetahuan aku yang cetek ini.

tak kira la walau betapa bangang, jahil, bodoh, arrogant ignorant etc… pun isi soalan2 tersebut.

kerana dalam banyak2 soalan2 ringan yang ditanya, pasti muncul beberapa soalan yang memaksa aku untuk berfikir dengan lebih teliti agar tidak memberi jawapan salah yang boleh memberikan imej songsang dan tidak tepat terhadap malaysia.

contohnya soalan2 yang menyentuh isu2 perkauman, hak asasi manusia, kesamarataan dalam polisi kerajaan dan lain2.

aku sedar dan faham bahawa isu2 seperti yang disebut diatas cukup berat sekali, lebih2 lagi untuk negara seperti malaysia yang dihuni oleh manusia pelbagai kaum dan etnik, pelbagai kepercayaan agama dan budaya.

contoh soalan: macama mana la orang cina, orang india dll, bole wujud semangat nasionalisma dan patriotisma jika masih wujud polisi kerajaan yang terang2 mengutamakan sesetengah kaum sahaja?

ada juga soalan2 yang memaksa aku menghakis segala bentuk persepsi, stigma dan prejudis yang berlapik-lapik menghuni lapisan otak ku, hasil daripada pengaruh agama dan budaya ku selama ini. proses ‘pembersihan’ ini amat penting jika aku benar2 mahu menjawab soalan2 tersebut dengan jujur, ikhlas dan lebih penting, sedekat mungkin dengan kebenaran.

contoh soalan: kenapa undang2 malaysia tidak membenarkan seorang melayu muslim daripada menukar agamanya @ memilih untuk tidak terlibat dengan mana2 agama sekali pun? kebebasan beragama dan tiada paksaan dalam islam hanyalah kata2 manis sahaja?

entah la pak ali, asalkan ko tak pening2 lalat duk pikir benda2 susah. kena ingat, bila tak tahu jawapannya, kena cakap tak tahu. tak boleh memandai-mandai!

namun aku tetap mahu cuba jawab apa sahaja soalan yang aku rasa aku mampu analisis dan beri jawapannya se’un-bias’ yang mungkin.

kerana proses pemikiran yang perlu aku lalui untuk menghasilkan jawapan tersebut, banyak mengajar aku tentang malaysia yang tidak pernah aku tahu @ ambil peduli selama ini.

memang betul kata cikgu sekolah aku dulu, mengajar orang nih akan menambah ilmu kita sendiri.

korang pula bagaimana? sanggup jawab soalan2 seperti diatas?

tak nak balik berkhidmat untuk negara ke?

aku ditaja JPA untuk belajar di Jepun selama 6 tahun.

april 2003 – march 2009.

setahun buat bahasa jepun, 3 tahun buat diploma pastu lagi 2 tahun buat degree.

kalo ikut rate sekarang, biasiswa bulanan yang aku dapat adalah lebih kurang rm4800.

(100yen=rm3.7)

rm4800 darab 12 bulan darab 6 tahun = rm345,600.

banyak tu.

tu tak kira duit yuran pengajian + elaun buku la, elaun pindah, elaun kesihatan etc.

kalo campur sumer2, ada kot cecah setengah juta.

” setengah juta? banyak tu beb, but still, ko masih nak stay kerja kat jepun, tak nak balik berkhidmat untuk negara, untuk rakyat ke? “

ke sudah lupa diri?

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

dulu aku banyak kali terbaca berita pasal student overseas tajaan kerajaan yang lepas graduate, tak nak balik mesia, langgar contract dengan terus sambung kerja kat oversea, pastu tak bayar plak tuh duit pinjaman.

kerajaan taja mahal2 supaya nanti dia bole balik untuk berkhidmat untuk rakyat.

tapi balasan nya, dia lari entah ke mana, demi kepentingan diri sendiri.

taufiq ali, kamu macam mana?

shake of the day

there was a small earthquake (turns out to be 4.0 in richter scale) just minutes ago and it made me quite dizzy because everything was shaking. after the bigger wave of shakes stopped, i quickly took the video below:

p/s: my room was messy from the beginning, NOT because of the earth-quake.

strangest dream

— journal entry for march 28th 2008 —

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I was in my hometown, in pasir mas and I was walking to the local madrasah to pray margrib. As the madrasah become closer and closer, I felt my feet being heavier and heavier. I tried to walk faster because I want to be able to pray in the front saf but my legs become heavier and heavier. I tried to run and I tried so hard, it’s so excruciatingly exhausting. Then I puked out of pain and muscle exhaustion. It was so tiring, I was breathing heavily and sweating like I’m doing a 100km marathon in the middle of the sahara desert. Finally, I arrived at the madrasah, and my exhausted legs couldn’t hold me anymore so I fell on the steps; I was so close; so I crawl into the madrasah; my hands were shaking out of exhaustion. Other people just look at me and keep walking into the madrasah.

Then my emotions take a sharp turn from feeling tormented by exhaustion, to feeling joy and happiness of my success. I made it. I made it on time. I was so happy. I looked up and I could see everybody else in the madrasah were smiling. They were smiling at me. I was so relieved, and happy. My shoulder blades felt lighter.

Then, without any explanation, my chest felt like it was filled with thick black smoke; it was very uncomfortable. My head felt heavy, my chest is about to explode. Then I cried.

I cried. I cried. I cried.

My heart is breaking. So I cried. The pain is not in my leg muscle, but deep inside my heart. So I cried. I bit my lips and grind my teeth so hard because I was crying. I cried so hard, it’s difficult to breathe. I lost control of my own emotions.

I could feel that each drop of tear brings along with them an ounce of the negative energy that was overwhelming me from the inside of my chest, flowing through my sore throat and out of my eyes. My chest felt lighter as I continue to cry.

Then, I woke up. My eyes felt very warm. Real tears are running down my cheek. I was crying in my dream; and I’m crying in real life. I don’t know that the human tear is as warm as this. I tried to stop crying because I got no reason to cry; but I just couldn’t stop. It’s very confusing, and I started to freak out. I was crying more than I was crying in my dream.

In the middle of this confusion and flow of warm tears, I thought to myself: “Holy Shit. I am crying! This is fucking amazing!”. The last time I cried was when I was 13 years old, inside the school madrasah; so it has been a long, long time. That was ten years ago.

This is such a rare occasion, so I took my camera and started to take pictures of me crying. Tears were dropping onto my lap, but I felt nothing now. No sadness, no pain, no joy, nothing. It seems like I have drained my emotions through gallons of tears. I just pushed the shutter button several times until I stopped crying.

I was able to took 18 pictures until I stopped crying; but only 3 of those shots were of me crying. The rest of the pictures are useless because my hands were so shaky, I kept capturing the ceiling and the back wall. Out of the 3, only one picture has perfect focus; the other 2 were too blurry that it’s hard to notice the tears running down my cheek.

All this crying is robbing me of my energy. So I decided to get back to sleep. Plus, maybe I could continue my dream and find out exactly why I cried. I took a long piss and went back to bed. It’s so cold that morning that my warm piss turned into steam. It smelled pretty bad.

Why am I sharing this with you?  You might ask. To tell you the truth, I don’t really know. Maybe because I thought that it would be cool. Or maybe I’m just concerned. What if this dream, my tears, has some meaning? A message for me; a warning about something. A reminder. I will never know the answers to these questions.

Or maybe I do.

Fuck it. I don’t believe in that bullshit. If dreams have even an ounce of relevance to real life, I’d be the luckiest human being among men with a healthy dick. I tried to console myself by saying that; I’m trying to push away the negativity surrounding my consciousness. I was supposed to be strong.

Mimpi tu mainan setan.

p/s: I don’t really remember what I dreamt about when I went back to sleep. It’s just some random wet dream, nothing special.

G Election: the aftermath

My previous post about the general election basically reflected my concerns about the future stability of Malaysia, of whether this change is going to be good or bad. Shouting ‘viva la revolucion’ while waving your favourite opposition party’s flag is cool, but don’t be too excited just because the government that you hate had lost big time. When the winning celebration is over, when everyone stops congratulating each other because they help contribute in this historic moment of our country, the party stops and the real serious issues comes in to stick the needle of reality back into our veins.

Can PKR establish a clean, transparent government that competitively provides an economic solution that benefits everyone? Can DAP create the ideal secular society that treats the rakyat equally and fair? Can PAS deliver on their promise to keep welfare/social development in parallel with the spiritual prosperity? Who knows? Those questions seem to be too ‘pretty’ to be realized in this dirty world of ours anyways. Let’s just hope they don’t fuck things up worse than any political party before it.

Heavy lumps of HUGE responsibility had been exchanged during this general election, and the people sitting on the other end should be prepared.

With that said, the rakyat still has not lost their hope in the National Front. The National Front is still, the governing power that needs every ounce of support from the hopeful rakyats if it wants to change. Will the rakyat’s desire to see a positive change and significant improvements in the way the government deals with problems that need decisive decisions, be fulfilled? Will the huge loss be the big slapping hand that wakes up our leaders to pull their socks and stop fucking around with their little dicks; and start to hear what the rakyat has to say, and respect their opinions? Who knows?

My hope is that this general election makes both alliances a better governing power. I hope both the opposition and the government did their best to cater to the dire needs of the rakyat. I hope the competition would eventually benefit the rakyat, just like the competition that AMD brings into the microchip market that leads to INTEL going into ‘awesome mode’ and eventually kicked AMD’s ass in term of technology to eventually benefit the customers; because that is all that matters: the customer, or in this context, the rakyat.

I wish good luck to both the opposition coalition and the National Front. Now get back to work, and make sure you don’t fuck us up! BOTH of you!!!